“I’m 19.”
“Wow, I thought you were older.”
Maybe it’s my mustache that portrays an older self. But even I forget that I’m 19 because I don’t feel 19.
This begs the question, How can I be but not feel?
To begin, everyone has a physical and mental age. Your physical age is how old you are. In my case, I am 19 years old. Expanding, your mental age is how old you feel, but, unable to measure this, how old others perceive you to be. An example of mental age is, relaying to the opening scenario, someone saying that they thought you were older after talking with you. Mental age is a combination of unquantifiable factors. While physical age is nothing but a number. The key to differentiate physical and mental age is that only one can be quantified, hence the reliance on feelings for the other.
But what makes someone seem older or younger? This is mental maturity. Mental maturity is an amalgamation of one’s self-confidence, responsibility, values, and decision making. A mentally mature person can be seen as responsible, confident, and maybe even wise. Unpacking this, personal responsibility is the difference between a child and an adult. True confidence takes self-awareness and introspection. And lastly, wisdom is having experience, knowledge, and good judgment. These are the attributes of a mentally mature person. This can be heightened by the ability to conversate effectively. On the contrary, a mentally immature person (offense is not my motive) can be seen as irresponsible, naive, and awkward. Although unquantifiable, it is easy to spot the difference between people.
In my life, I have struggled to associate with adolescence, although that statement is probably founded in my ignorant adolescence. In high school, feeling older often pushed me to isolation. I was stuck between being too old for my peers and too young for the adults. I always felt different. I had a hard time talking to my peers but could easily strike up a conversation with someone much older than I. To illustrate, a retired man asked me a question on a hike that led to us talking for hours. While I struggled as a child to connect with my peers, I am beginning to come into my own relationally.
Today, I have friends, people I’m truly friends with, ranging from anywhere from 16 to 75. All of my friends, more or less, match my mental maturity level making conversation easy. Still, my group of friends is constantly expanding because I am becoming a more mature conversationalist. I have grown into this immensely in the past year living in new places and working a sales job. It is not always easy, but I love my life right now. I don’t mind being an old soul.
Still, the first semester of college was especially difficult. I struggled to relate to my fellow college freshman, and by the end of the semester my closest friends were juniors or had graduated.
And so I ask, Is it a blessing to be an old soul? If I’m 19 and people say I think like a 75 year old philosopher, where can I go from here? Is there a limit? I just want to eschew responsibility and be a normal 19 year old, whatever that means.
But not always. I love my life. It’s the only one I know, and because I can’t change who I am, I don’t want to.
“How old are you, actually?”