Miscellaneous Archives

Mental Maturity: I’m 19?

“I’m 19.”

“Wow, I thought you were older.”

Maybe it’s my mustache that portrays an older self. But even I forget that I’m 19 because I don’t feel 19.

This begs the question, How can I be but not feel?

To begin, everyone has a physical and mental age. Your physical age is how old you are. In my case, I am 19 years old. Expanding, your mental age is how old you feel, but, unable to measure this, how old others perceive you to be. An example of mental age is, relaying to the opening scenario, someone saying that they thought you were older after talking with you. Mental age is a combination of unquantifiable factors. While physical age is nothing but a number. The key to differentiate physical and mental age is that only one can be quantified, hence the reliance on feelings for the other.

But what makes someone seem older or younger? This is mental maturity. Mental maturity is an amalgamation of one’s self-confidence, responsibility, values, and decision making. A mentally mature person can be seen as responsible, confident, and maybe even wise. Unpacking this, personal responsibility is the difference between a child and an adult. True confidence takes self-awareness and introspection. And lastly, wisdom is having experience, knowledge, and good judgment. These are the attributes of a mentally mature person. This can be heightened by the ability to conversate effectively. On the contrary, a mentally immature person (offense is not my motive) can be seen as irresponsible, naive, and awkward. Although unquantifiable, it is easy to spot the difference between people.

In my life, I have struggled to associate with adolescence, although that statement is probably founded in my ignorant adolescence. In high school, feeling older often pushed me to isolation. I was stuck between being too old for my peers and too young for the adults. I always felt different. I had a hard time talking to my peers but could easily strike up a conversation with someone much older than I. To illustrate, a retired man asked me a question on a hike that led to us talking for hours. While I struggled as a child to connect with my peers, I am beginning to come into my own relationally.

Today, I have friends, people I’m truly friends with, ranging from anywhere from 16 to 75. All of my friends, more or less, match my mental maturity level making conversation easy. Still, my group of friends is constantly expanding because I am becoming a more mature conversationalist. I have grown into this immensely in the past year living in new places and working a sales job. It is not always easy, but I love my life right now. I don’t mind being an old soul.

Still, the first semester of college was especially difficult. I struggled to relate to my fellow college freshman, and by the end of the semester my closest friends were juniors or had graduated.

And so I ask, Is it a blessing to be an old soul? If I’m 19 and people say I think like a 75 year old philosopher, where can I go from here? Is there a limit? I just want to eschew responsibility and be a normal 19 year old, whatever that means.

But not always. I love my life. It’s the only one I know, and because I can’t change who I am, I don’t want to.

“How old are you, actually?”

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21 Quotes from 2021

Greg Gould / Miscellaneous / 1 Comment

I don’t care what year it is. To me, the year is an arbitrary concept with no meaning other than scientific. My experience is not capsuled into the prior year, rather it continues without distinction. I never wake up a new person on New Year’s Day. Still, the end of a year can ignite reflection, and without further ado, here is a list of 21 insightful quotes and adages I chanced upon in 2021.

1) Rather than trying to be happy, try to be at peace with yourself.

2) To find yourself, think for yourself.

3) Success is not the answer.

4) “Who needs an academic career when you’re the one with all the ideas?” – ‘Paradise’, Bcos U Will Never Be Free, Rex Orange County

5) Take Action, Make Mistakes, Learn from Them

6) You must design your life because if you don’t then someone will design it for you.

7) “Engineer a way of moving through the world that puts you in the driver’s seat of yourself.” – John Mayer

8) Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.

9) To think is to be free.

10) Asking questions shows courage, not weakness.

11) “Don’t trust people who don’t walk.” – Ryan Holiday

12) Great art is fueled by great experiences.

13) To be interesting, be interested.

14) “Emotions are like children. You can’t let them drive or put them in the trunk.” – Thundercat

15) Expect to be betrayed.

16) “Find your direction through introspection.” – Rhythm & Wraps Bathroom graffiti

17) “Not all crazy ideas are great, but all great ideas are crazy.” – Mike Posner

18) “You can do whatever you want to do as long as you can govern yourself because there’s no sure ticket to anything. Why would you want to trade in what you really want to do, for what the odds are in favor of?” – John Mayer

19) “I refuse to exist. I want to live.” – Mark Carter

20) “What connects to people is you connecting with yourself.” – John Mayer

21) “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” – Jim Carrey

I hope these can help you in the new year as much as they have helped me in the past year. Cheers!

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Hit by a Train while Wrangling Geese with Shirtless

Greg Gould / Miscellaneous

After a week of obsessive work attempting to have my trading bot operating before coming home, I wanted to do nothing more than close my eyes.

However, the night before my good friend and I spoke over dinner about smoking one more cigar. The next day, he asked me “if we could push things back to ten?” I knew what he meant.

My quads trembled, but I glided to the intersection of Comm Ave and BU Bridge. My fatigue was overcome with excitement. There I met Quentin, and we descended the hidden stairs onto a patch of grass adjacent to a swift highway inbound for Boston. From here, we dodged branches to climb up the embankment through the torn fence until we found ourselves on the inactive tracks.

Making sure to step firmly on each railroad tie, we walked halfway across the bridge to the usual spot, overlooking the prominent Boston skyline and geese on the Charles River.

Obeying routine, I drew the cigars from the front pocket of my backpack, careful not to let them fall into the river. I passed one to my Quentin along with the lighter, and we began to smoke.

But more importantly, we began to talk. Smoking allowed us to slow down, be present, and have a long, deep conversation. We talked on and on about politics, family life, and our reflections on the semester. We were two friends, being friends. This is how the last night of the semester was meant to be.

Until, Quentin’s eyes ballooned.

“Uh…Greg?”

I turned into the direction of his stare and saw a light that I had never seen before. It was growing.

“GET UP! MOVE!”

In shock, my first instinct was to hug the wall on the side of the bridge. But I followed Quentin, and jumped onto the rock pillar below us, cigar in hand. Trembling, I laid face down on my backpack, unaware of the magnitude of the situation. I took a deep breath. Unsure if the train was going five or fifty miles per hour. Still on the ground, looking at my friend next to me, the train passed overhead where we sat less than a minute ago. It was going slower than I envisioned, but it was still going where I was sitting.

Fading out of sight, I scanned the surrounding area, took a drag of my cigar, and my friend smirked, eyes still like balloons. I smirk, trying to contain myself until I begin to laugh hysterically. My friend cracks as well, phone in hand. He had recorded the whole event!

“OH MY GOSH DUDE!” I spit in between nervous laughing fits, “OH MY GOSH!”

Continuing to smoke, we talk to a group of girls on the bridge above. Then, we see two figures walking on the bridge from Cambridge (another sight we hadn’t seen before). Wanting to share our story, we walk over to them smoking on the pillar, and nervously cackle, “We almost got hit by a train!” They invite us down onto the pillar, and Quentin and I make ourselves comfortable off of the tracks.

We talk well into the night with these two MIT cross country runners about the act of creation, the death and legacy of Mac Miller and Lil Peep, traveling to Morocco, and wrangling geese.

Then someone behind me grunts, “hey.”

I turn around and find a man wearing nothing but sweatpants and shoes on the track above us. This is all when my butt is numb, and I’m bundled in a jacket.

The five minutes talking to him (who we later gave the moniker Shirtless) was mostly inaudible blabbering. Then, he said he was thirsty and asked if anyone had water. I gave him my embarrassingly big bottle, demanding him to waterfall as I didn’t where his mouth had been. He proceeded to drink almost a liter, spilling about twenty percent onto his bare chest. Shirtless thanked me for the drink and walked away.

The four of us continued to talk, looking at the geese sleeping on the river. The MIT students talked about the five geese they wrangled earlier. I was blown away, and glad they were using their MIT education for something exceptional. They then corrected themselves, saying wrangle is not a fitting term as the geese were like babies in their arms. They didn’t move, but felt at home after gaining trust from food.

I began to sit up and down to relieve my numb butt. I checked my watch and saw that it was approaching two. Wanting to sleep and Quentin having a final tomorrow, we decided to pack up.

But before we left, they were going to have us wrangle geese of our own. We walked to the Cambridge side of the Charles, where the geese were and began to feed them the only food we had, candy. This was in an attempt to bring them onto the bank so as to easily pick one up. We continued to throw candy at the geese, but they just wanted to sleep. The geese didn’t come onto the bank that night. We tried for a few more minutes with no such luck.

The four of us walked off the bank, laughed, hugged, and exchanged phone numbers. They headed back to MIT while Quentin and I walked back to BU across the bridge. Making sure to step firmly on each tie, I laughed at the tragedy it would have been to stay in my room that night.

I fell asleep in awe, attempting to prove that this wasn’t a dream.

P.S. Walking back, I saw Shirtless again near my dorm (still without a shirt).

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Meditation: An Alternative to Alcohol

Greg Gould / Miscellaneous

Reading Time: ~8 minutes

Many young people look forward to the next party, and for good reason. Partying is fun to do, and does not require much effort or thought. Specifically, partying makes vulnerability socially acceptable, is a marketplace to meet new people, and is an escape from reality. At parties, people are excused to say whatever is on their mind, dance freely, and be dumb. Social vulnerability is accepted and often the norm at parties. Also, parties are a marketplace to meet new people who also want to meet new people. Notably, women drop their inhibitions and men grow in confidence creating the ideal amalgam to reach out and meet someone new. Lastly, partying is simply an escape from reality. Everyone desires to get away from their monotonous routines, fears, and thoughts from time to time. Sometimes people just need to let loose and escape what is considered to be everyday life. Most young people love to party as it is fun, accepts vulnerability, makes it easy to meet new people, and is an escape from reality.

Speaking of this, most people attend parties with a reason as to why they are there. They have a mindset. In fact, when you attend a party, you have a mindset. Your mindset is critical. Your mindset controls your behavior. Expanding on this, your thoughts affect your feelings, and your feelings affect your behavior. Therefore, what you think can make or break your party experience. With the right mindset, you can let loose on the dance floor or talk to the person you are normally too scared to. But with the wrong mindset, you will continually look forward to a chance to leave. For one thing, your mindset centers on recurring thoughts. Positive thoughts such as “Be Free”, “Let Loose”, or “Have Fun” will allow you to let your guard down and open up. Whereas, negative thoughts including the phrases “This is boring” or “I’m being judged” will coop you up, out of the party, and into your head. Being in your head is equivalent to not being at the party; being in your head does not allow you to escape reality. Further, being in your head makes you self-conscious, the antithesis of self-confident. Parties are meant to be fun, an escape from life, and an opportunity to meet new people, but being in your head inhibits this. A positive mindset is crucial to an enjoyable party experience. Luckily, getting into the right frame of mind is not that difficult with alcohol.

Drinking alcohol is merely a means to an end. Alcohol erodes mental barriers, changes the way you feel quickly and well, and enhances the reasons as to why people party. Whether you want to have fun, be vulnerable, meet new people, or escape reality, alcohol helps greatly. Specifically, drinking alcohol decreases anxiety, motor skills, and social inhibition. This helps when breaking it down on the dance floor or more importantly talking to other people. In addition, alcohol increases confidence and openness. The combination of these traits is known as social lubrication. It is easier to socialize when lubricated. And, drinking alcohol places you into a euphoric state offering you the opportunity to transcend everyday, monotonous life for a brief moment. Seeing that, drinking alcohol causes you to feel less, perceive less, notice less, and remember less. To put it briefly, alcohol causes you to think clearly about nothing. You are not in your head but in the present moment. Getting outside yourself, as alcohol enables, enhances the party experience tremendously.

But drinking alcohol is not all a muddled euphoria. Drinking can lead to drunkenness and stupor (a dazed, nearly unconscious state). With further consumption, it can lead to unconsciousness, anterograde amnesia, or what is commonly known as “blacking out”, and central nervous system depression. These are all serious, adverse effects. In fact, central nervous system depression can lead to coma or even death at certain consumption levels. And did I forget to mention hangovers? Hangovers last hours after drinking and commonly well into the next day. They are often marked with symptoms of fatigue, thirst, headache, nausea, and dizziness. This sounds similar to a cold. Why would you purposely give yourself a cold? Lastly, excessive alcohol consumption normally leads to vomit. I shake my head as to why someone would drink alcohol just to wake up the next morning, cradling the toilet, not having a clue of what took place. The “great time” that alcohol enables is almost always followed by a time of suffering and sickness.

However, it does not need to be this way. How might you ask? Meditation. Before I dive deeper I need to clear the ambiguity regarding meditation. Meditation, here, does not refer to a fringe Eastern practice, but rather slow, deep breathing. With this clarified, meditation is known to decrease anxiety and depression according to brain scans. Additionally, meditation enables a state of euphoria and enhances perception. These are both important aspects of the party experience. For instance, parties are sensual occasions and are meant to shock the senses. Enhancing perception, defined as the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses, is valuable as it allows you to escape your mind and be present. Being present lets you unwind and become involved in the action. This leads to a much more enjoyable party experience. Regarding this, meditation, like alcohol, helps you to think clearly about almost nothing. The very idea of meditation is focusing on something simple, like the breath or a mantra, intensely. Again, thinking clearly about almost nothing. Now, the similarities between meditation and alcohol do not end there. Both meditation and alcohol are known to decrease anxiety and social inhibition allowing you to be confident and open, or socially lubricated. Furthermore, the euphoria that meditation brings can help you transcend your monotonous, everyday existence. In all, the hyper-oxygenated brain is nearly identical to the intoxicated brain without the adverse effects.

Now you might be wondering how to do this. First, what situation are you in? Is this before or during the party? If this is before the party, then this will resemble more of a classic meditation. Sitting alone, eyes closed, breathing deeply. To begin, be alone: it is almost impossible to meditate with distractions surrounding you. Next, come to a comfortable position, either standing up, sitting down, or laying down, it does not need to be very specific. After that, I suggest setting a timer for how long you intend to meditate. The longer the better, but I would not recommend more than ten minutes for this purpose. Once everything is prepared, begin to breathe but not as you normally do. Close your eyes and perform a slow, deep inhale for as long as you are comfortably able. Then, hold your breath for two to three seconds, and release a long, deep exhale. Hold this exhaled position for another two to three seconds, and repeat this process until the timer sounds off. It might feel long at first, but trust that the time breathing will fly by. Above all, it is critical to focus on your mindset. Your mindset can make or break the effectiveness of the breath. Considering this, choose a mantra of either “Be Free”, “Let Loose”, or “Have Fun” and repeat this throughout your practice. Repeat the mantra along with setting any goals you have for the party.

Next is how to meditate during the party. While it is effective to breathe deeply before the party, combining this with deep breathing during the party is extremely effective to achieve an intoxicated state. So, to meditate during the party repeat the same rhythmic breathing pattern as used with traditional meditation. Doing this, remind yourself of positive mantras such as “Be Free”, “Let Loose”, or “Have Fun” to be present in the action. Notably, breathing deeply for roughly the first hour of the party builds momentum that rides out for the remainder of time. Then, when the time comes to sober up simply return to breathing as you normally do. Meditating to achieve an intoxicated state will make you feel rejuvenated rather than wasted the next day. You will wake up ready to start a new day rather than recovering from the previous.

If you want the effects of alcohol without the drawbacks, try meditating at your next party. It might be difficult at first, but through practice, meditation can work wonders on your party life and life in general. Becoming cognizant of your breath will provide you power beyond your belief. So, be in the moment during the night and be in the moment the following day with meditation.

“Get high off your own supply.” — Wim Hof

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